How do I make this happen?
It’s your responsibility to make sure that your partner consents. That can happen perfectly naturally, without breaking the mood. For example, you could ask: “Are you comfortable with…?” “Do you want to keep on doing…?” “Do you like this?” “Do you want to…?” Look the other person in the eyes and don’t insist if he/she refuses or seems uncomfortable.
You didn’t consent if:
- You expressed a refusal in your words, actions, or attitude
- You were paralyzed with fear
- You were scared to react or talk
- You had no other choice than to do what the other person asked
- You were coerced by physical or psychological force (blackmail, threats, bullying, manipulation, violence)
- You were under the effects of alcohol or a drug
- You were asleep
If you feel that your partner’s going too fast, that he/she is touching or petting you without your consent, say so. It’s too important. You should never accept something just to please the other person or out of fear of losing him/her.