What is consent?

Giving consent means you agree to participate in a sexual activity before it starts. It's simple: until you clearly agree verbally 🗣, through your actions, or both, there is no consent 🙅‍♀️🙅‍♂️. Each partner must make sure they receive consent from the other; the person being assaulted is NEVER responsible for the assault.

The 3 rules for consent

Consent must be given freely, willingly, and in an informed manner. It doesn't just mean "agreeing to participate in a sexual activity." It also means accepting this activity in an enthusiastic, willing, and informed way. In other words, it's not just about saying "okay" or "yes”; it's also about wanting it! A "yes" may sometimes not be a "yes", depending on various factors (feeling threatened or pressured, etc.).

• Freely: I feel comfortable with saying no and specifying what I do or don't want to do with my partner (e.g., I am comfortable with kissing, but not with being touched intimately). My partner is not in a position of power over me or any aspect of my life (e.g., a coach, a person in a position of authority).
• Willingly and enthusiastically: I want to do it; I actively participate in the intimate act.
• Informed: I make an informed decision. The other person doesn’t keep information from me that might change my decision (e.g., the other person doesn’t mention that they’re in a relationship because they know that I would otherwise refuse to participate in the sexual act).

What doesn’t count as consent...

•       Going out late at night
•       Walking on a poorly lit street
•       Using drugs or drinking
•       Wearing certain types of clothing (e.g., dressing in revealing outfits)
•       Showing interest in another other person
•       Flirting with someone
•       Agreeing to be driven home or to drive someone home

None of these justify an assault. No matter what you were wearing, what you said or what you did, there is absolutely no excuse for it. Nothing you say or do can "be a cause" for sexual assault.

A respectful seduction that accounts for the other’s consent...

• Is done gradually, one step at a time; rarely does it happen overnight
• Requires the participation of both individuals
• Involves being attentive to the other person's reactions to your approach (the look in their eyes, their smile, etc.).

If I say yes to a sexual activity or to having a sexual relationship, does that mean I say yes to everything?

Not at all! Your consent is important at ALL times and for EVERY sexual activity: kissing or agreeing to be touched is not a pass for further intimate or sexual contact.

Just because you feel like it and agree to kiss someone doesn’t mean that you agree to have sex with them, or that they have the right to touch you without your consent. You have the right to not want to do certain things and to refuse certain behaviours or sexual acts. You can agree, refuse or change your mind at any time. You can withdraw your consent at any time during the sexual act. You have the right to stop in the middle and say no. What was at first a "yes" can later become a "no".

How do you know if the other person is giving their consent?

It's your responsibility to make sure that your partner is consenting. This can be done quite naturally, without ruining the mood.

• Look the other person in the eye and don't insist if they refuse or seem uncomfortable
• Observe the other person's non-verbal behaviour: are they smiling? Showing that they’re enjoying themselves? Responding to your touch with enthusiasm (e.g., with moans, deep breathing, their body is relaxed, etc.)?
• Stop and check in with the other person about how they’re feeling: are they looking uncomfortable or frozen, are they not responding enthusiastically, do they not seem to be having fun, are they pushing you away, etc.
• You can ask, "Are you okay? What do you like? What are your limits? What do you want to do or how far do you want to go? Would you like to try...? Do you like that? Show me what you like. Do you feel like it? Should I continue? Do you want to stop?". You can look at the person and ask, "yes?"
• It's important to always give the other person the opportunity to refuse your advances at any time, and to respect their decision. This can be done smoothly if you are attentive 😊 Beyond seeking the person's consent, it also allows you to be attuned to your partner, to show the other person that their pleasure is as important to you as yours is.

Does this also apply to couples?

Yes! Consent applies to all situations: no matter if it's your partner, your date, a one-night stand, etc. Whether it's kissing, caressing, masturbating, having sex (oral or penetration), showing your naked body in person or by text (via a photo or through conversation of a sexual nature), etc., you must always make sure that the other person gives their consent before doing anything. Each partner must always have the option to refuse being approached in a sexual manner or refuse a sexual behaviour.

If my body responds, does that mean I am giving my consent?

No! Becoming vaginally lubricated or getting an erection is not a form of consent, and it doesn’t mean that you’re aroused and in the mood. These are the body’s mechanical reactions to sensory stimulation and should not be confused with having sexual desire or feeling pleasure. Sexual desire and pleasure do not only manifest themselves in the body; they also manifest in the head and in the heart!