The Truth About Cunnilingus
Cunnilingus is one of those sexual practices that is talked about less than others, often with embarrassment or based on myths. So here is a clear, caring, and non-judgmental guide to help you understand what it really is.
To remember
👉 Cunnilingus is never an obligation and always relies on clear, enthusiastic consent and ongoing communication.
👉 Cunnilingus is a sexual practice in its own right and does not have to lead to penetration.
👉 Everyone is different: pleasure comes from listening, respecting boundaries, and adapting to your partner’s preferences.
Before getting into the details, let’s recall this important rule: no one is required to give or receive cunnilingus. It is a sexual practice like any other, and it therefore requires:
Consent from all partners: a clear, enthusiastic “yes,” which can be withdrawn at any time.
Communication: it’s okay to say “I don’t know,” “I’m hesitant,” “I’d rather stop,” “more gently,” etc.
Respect: no one should do something just to “please” the other, out of pressure or fear of disappointing them.
If giving or receiving cunnilingus is never an obligation, it’s also not a bargaining chip: if someone offers to give you cunnilingus in exchange for another sexual act, that’s a RED FLAG!
💡Important: some people still see cunnilingus as foreplay, meaning a sexual practice meant to lead to penetration. But cunnilingus is a sexual practice in its own right. If it gives you pleasure and your partner agrees to it, it is perfectly okay to limit yourselves to that! Penetration is by no means required to have a fulfilling sex life.
What Is Cunnilingus?
Cunnilingus is the act of stimulating a person’s vulva with the mouth (lips, tongue). The vulva is not just the clitoris: it also includes the outer and inner labia, the pubic area, the lower abdomen, etc. It is part of what is called “oral sex,” just like fellatio.
💡Important: everyone is different. What one person enjoys may not be pleasurable for another. Once again, communication is essential!
How Do You Perform Cunnilingus?
There is no magic technique. What matters most is paying attention to the other person. To help you both relax and feel safe (two things that greatly contribute to pleasure!), you and your partner can talk about what worries you or reassures you, start by kissing or touching other parts of the body, make sure you’re in a comfortable position, etc.
Explore gently while observing whether the other person seems okay: body reactions, words, and even breathing will guide you.
💡The secret: ask and listen. “Like this? Faster? Slower? Do you want me to stop?”
Is It Possible to Practice Cunnilingus During Menstruation?
Yes, it’s possible—but only if both people feel comfortable. Once again, asking, listening, and respecting are key!
Some people prefer to avoid it, others don’t.
A dental dam or a cut-open condom can be used to reduce the risk of STBBIs and avoid direct contact with the vulva during menstruation.
You can place a towel under the hips or focus on the outside of the vulva.
Can It Hurt?
Normally, no. But if the vulva is dry or irritated, it can become uncomfortable. Also, after an orgasm, the clitoris is often extremely sensitive, and sometimes stimulation needs to stop immediately. The person giving cunnilingus should therefore stay attentive and ask regularly: “Are you okay? Should I keep going?”
Note: it’s possible to include one or more fingers if the person receiving cunnilingus enjoys it. However, it’s important to start gently, make sure the vagina is lubricated before penetration, and be careful with long or sharp nails to avoid injury.
Are There Risks to Giving or Receiving Cunnilingus?
Several sexually transmitted and blood-borne infections (STBBIs) can be transmitted during cunnilingus: herpes, HPV, syphilis, gonorrhea, chlamydia, etc. As with any sexual practice, it’s important to take precautions.
This is because micro-lesions (tiny, often invisible cracks in the skin) in the mouth or on the genitals can allow infections to enter the body.
To reduce risks, you and your partner can use a dental dam (or a cut-open condom). It’s also recommended to avoid this practice if either person has sores in the mouth or on the vulva. If in doubt, getting tested is always a good idea (we explain everything about this here).
Some people may also experience irritation or yeast infections if the balance of vaginal flora is disrupted.
A vaginal yeast infection is a common infection caused by a fungus. It can cause itching, redness, or unusual discharge, and it is not necessarily an STI. It has nothing to do with hygiene levels and is usually easy to treat within a few days.
Does Everyone Like Receiving Cunnilingus?
No—and that’s completely normal. Some people love it, others find it uncomfortable, and some don’t like having that area approached. Whatever the reason, no one has to justify not liking cunnilingus. You have the right to refuse at any time (even if you’re already in the middle of it!).
The Secret to Successful Cunnilingus
Faster, gentler, with fingers, without fingers, as foreplay or simply for fun without penetration—don’t panic! Everyone has unique preferences when it comes to pleasure.
If you’ve read this article carefully, you’ve probably understood the key point: to make cunnilingus pleasurable, you need to communicate, ask questions, listen carefully to the answers, and adjust accordingly.
The rest comes with experience, trust, and patience.
