Frequently asked questions
People have the right to think what they want. The most important thing is that you do it for yourself, and respect yourself. In any case, you’re not obligated to tell the whole world about it! And even if you aren’t in a couple with the other person, you still have a relationship: that means you have to communicate and treat the other person respectfully. If you have several partners, think about using protection.
Having a fuck-buddy (or fuck-friend or friend with benefits) has advantages… and disadvantages. Here they are!
Advantages: Exploring your sexuality with someone you know without necessarily being in a couple, meeting your needs, feeling confident and comfortable if the other person is a friend.
Disadvantages: Is this a person with whom you want to have this kind of experience? Are you both comfortable and do you both have the same idea of what it means? Are you running the risk that one of you will get really attached? Are you doing it because you expect more from this person?
If you decide to have a fuck-buddy, it’s important to check in regularly to make sure you both still have the same expectations, because people can change their minds. And you need to be honest with yourself and with the other person in this situation, because one of you can get hurt if you’re not both on the same wavelength.
If you have feelings for your fuck-buddy, talk it over with him/her as soon as possible. You have to clear the air, discuss your feelings, and be honest with yourself and the other person. If the other person doesn’t feel the same way, is it worth going on with it? Would you prefer to stop now to avoid getting hurt? This may be the time for you to think about what this relationship is giving you.
Your view of love and sexuality
No matter how intense your feelings or desire may be, it’s up to you to define the kind of romantic relationship you want to have and how you want to express your sexuality
Would you rather just enjoy kissing and petting for now? Do you need to get to know your partner better before going farther? Do you feel ready to engage in mutual masturbation? To have intercourse? What kinds of things embarrass you or make you feel uncomfortable? What would be fun, what would you enjoy? It’s up to you to define your limits.
Since everyone is different, a healthy sexual relationship means that you need to tell your partner about your tastes and your limits. He/she needs to respect them. If your partner pressures you or blackmails you to make you change your values and do what he/she wants, that’s a lack of respect! And it’s also important for you to listen to his/her values and respect him/her.
By talking with your partner, you can find common ground that will suit both of you. These discussions will also allow you to understand yourself better and better meet your expectations and desires.
Is sex without love for you?
What are your values?
Do you need to have feelings for the person you make love with? Do love and sex go together in your view? If you can’t keep them separate, sex without love may not be for you.
What are your motivations?
What are you looking for? Pleasure, sexual satisfaction? The hope that this relationship will turn into love? Sex without love doesn’t meet all your needs or live up to all your expectations. Clearly identify what you’re looking for in this experience.
Have you thought about the consequences?
What would happen if one of you developed loving feelings for the other? Would you lose a friend? Have you talked about preventing pregnancy and BBSTIs? Be sure your partner and you are on the same wavelength on these questions.
What about your limits?
Do you feel that you respect yourself? Do you feel that your partner respects you too? Are you okay with your partner having sex with other people? If yes, why? How would you feel if your partner said that he/she was in love with someone else? Answering these questions will help you set your limits.
Are you on the same wavelength?
Do you discuss your expectations? Do you talk about them again regularly, in case things have changed? People and their feelings evolve. What you both wanted at the start of your relationship may no longer suit one of you. Being on the same wavelength is one thing, but staying there often requires adjustments.