Breaking up
How to get over a broken heart? 💔
Going through a breakup is different for everyone. Sometimes it’s even a relief 😌. Other times, it hurts badly 😣. That’s when your heart is broken and you need time to get better. Here are some ideas to help you survive a breakup.
Answers to your questions
How to break up with your girlfriend or boyfriend?
As the song says, breaking up is hard to do. The important thing is to find a way to do it that shows respect and understanding for the other person. There are things you should do… and things you definitely shouldn’t do!
The stages of heartbreak
Denial
In the beginning, you’re in a state of shock. You may tend to deny or not understand what’s happening to you and why. Your heart and your head are in confusion.
Anger
Une fois le choc passé, tu peux ressentir de la colère, de la frustration, de l'injustice et de l'incompréhension. Tu peux vivre la rupture comme une trahison ou un abandon. Ta colère t'aide à te détacher.
Bargaining
You may want to win the other person’s love back. You idealize your ex and you sometimes think that everything’s your fault. You may even be tempted to promise him/her certain things and think that, by doing that, there may be some hope that he/she will come back. Remember that there’s no point in trying to convince him/her to return. Accept it and move on.
Depression / Sadness
Crying is often part of heartbreak. You have a right to cry, and it’s often necessary. Experiencing this feeling of loss helps you realize that it’s really over. Take “vacations” from your pain by doing things you enjoy or going out with friends.
Acceptance
Even if it’s hard to believe, you gradually come to accept the breakup. You regain your self-confidence, you feel better, and the future looks more hopeful. You have new dreams and plans. Life goes on, and that’s all to the good.
You and your ex
Winning your ex back is usually mission impossible. You have no power over the other person’s feelings: even your ex can’t control his/her feelings! You can do whatever you want – call, send flowers, text, or write a letter – but it won’t change what he/she feels. And if you try too hard to get your ex back, you’re likely to be rejected.
If your ex still has feelings for you and he/she is willing to restart the relationship, it might work. Nevertheless, your relationship ended for certain specific reasons. Have the problems disappeared or are they likely to come back? It’s up to you to judge!
Staying friends with an ex is possible, but not for everybody. 👫👭👬 It depends on your personality and on your ex’s: some people can do it, and others can’t. If you still love each other or one of you still loves the other one, it can be very complicated, even impossible, to be just friends. In general, it’s easier to recreate a friendship when both people accept that it’s over and have gotten over their heartbreak.
To get over a broken heart 💔, give yourself the right and the time to live through all the emotions you feel. Be kind to yourself and take good care of yourself. Try to take your mind off things, and do activities that make you feel good. It can be hard in the beginning, but it will gradually help you move on. Every time you forget your pain, even for a few seconds, it will help. Don’t keep everything inside. Talk about what you’re going through to someone you trust: a friend, your family, or Tel-jeunes. Most of all, if you feel you’re going under and you’re full of dark thoughts, ask for help fast!
My ex is in a dark place. What should I do?
If your ex has dark thoughts, you can encourage him/her to get professional help. Here is some advice to help you.
- Listen to your ex and tell him/her that you can tell he/she is suffering and you’re worried about it. 😟
- Encourage your ex to seek help. You could say, for example: Based on what you’re telling me, I think it’s important to find some help for you. What would you say if we talked to…?
- You can tell your ex about the benefits he/she would get from talking to a professional and explain that you’re probably not the best person to help him/her at that point.
- If you think your ex’s life might be in danger, the situation’s too difficult for you, or something is making you anxious, quickly call Tel-jeunes or another resource.
Don’t take the whole burden on your shoulders. Remember that you’re a friend, not a therapist!
My ex is getting over it faster than me. Why?
Do you have a feeling that your ex is getting over your breakup faster than you? It might be true, because we don’t all experience things in the same way. But it might only be your impression. You might think the other person is doing fine, but is it possible that he/she is hurting inside and nobody knows because he/she isn’t saying anything?
It’s also possible that the other person really has moved on. That means he/she was ready. Sometimes, when things haven’t been working in a relationship for a long time, the breakup causes both sadness and relief. In that case, the heartache may not last as long.
Still, that doesn’t change the wonderful things you shared and the good times you had together. Everyone goes through heartbreak in their own way and, most importantly, at their own pace.