Idk what to do

oui je parle fr mais je suis plus comfortable avk l'anglais idk why

I feel like there is no place for me to go. at school, i barely have any friends and they all switch up on me randomly. one of them who i will not namedrop kinda chooses a friend she'll stay with for some time and avoids almost everyone else. guess what, it's always anyone but me. since around November she started distancing herself from me. we had an argument and didnt talk for around a month. when we started talking again, i tried my best to make her happy yet she did everything i told i didn't like (leaving me out, making plans infront of me,etc) and i feel like i can't complain because were both going through things and it looks like im a crybaby. another friend is basically obsessed with her and it pmo. I'm not jealous (lowkey yes tf?? i'd like to be someone's bestfriend for once!!) another girl i feel like i can talk to but she always goes back to her and now i feel like i can't trust anyone. i have all my classes with them and we all sit close. in arts, they barely even have conversations because im there (i mayyyy be overthinking it but it has always proved to be right)

at home its like walking on egg shells. My younger sister (13) always steals my shit and no one tells her to stop. My dad gets mad at barely anything and gives me the randomest punishments ever (taking away my phone for a month, taking away my door, my curtains???) i feel like whatever i do im a dissapointment. he's always whining about how i have daddy issues (that would mean he's the problem hahah) and how i never come out of my room (maybe bc he's always complaining about me??) ever conversation we have is arguing or talking about chores. sometimes i think he's changed and our relationship is ok, he gets mad then i get mad and everything's ruined (ngl i do have maaajor anger issues but he does too and i was the only one sent to therapy). he's emotionally closed off, can't communicate, doesn't respect privacy (fym you won't put a lock on your kids's bathroom AND you dare to come inside when they're showering...broski...) doesn't accept his daughters opinions (invalid because im too young apparently) he's narcissistic, has no empathy and he's secretly a conservative (yes i had to add that bc he lives in a house of liberals)

I struggle with a lot. I have body dysmorphia (i hate hate hate my body even though ppl tell me its fine) i have anxiety and it feels like im gonna die whenever im outside of my house, my own thoughts freaking scare me because its always like <<what if you ran away and jumped :D>> or stuff like that. i also stopped sh for summer and its so hard im about to relapse at any minor inconvenience. its hard. i dont know how im still alive.

anywaysssss, i don't know what to do, it feels like everything always gets blamed on me (ik im problematic and dramatic but come freaking on) my mom called a therapist in February and we still have no news. i want to talk to some1 but i don't want to end up in a psych ward. my mom even gave me a document about BPD saying her and my old therapist thought it might be a possible diagnosis (gtfo naurrrrrr). i just want people that actually like me in my life idkkk

@KetchupCréatif7

Hi @KetchupCréatif7 :))

English is totally fine no worries. It’s a super good idea you had of wanting to talk to a specialist, I'm sorry it’s taking such a long time. We have services like AdoTJ and Intervenants Tel-Jeunes if you ever want to chat with someone to talk about issues of all kind you might be dealing with. You seem to have a lot on your shoulders. I know keeping friends at school can be complicated. You seem to put a lot of effort in your friendship, im sure you’ll find someone worth your while. It’s seems like your fmily life is also complicated. 8i know being the older sibling can be tiredful, younger sibling dont get as much reprimanded and parents seems to be on your back. Im glad to know your mom is helping you trying to find a therapist thought. About your body dysmorphia and anxiety, they seem to have a big impact on your wellbeing. I don’t think it makes you crazy and belong in a psych ward, but maybe look into the options I talked about earlier? I hope it can help :) 

thanks :)

Diagnostique sans les parents?

J'aimerais rencontrer un psycologue ou un psychiatre pour me faire diagnostiquer car j'ai beacoup de doutes sur ma santé mentale.. J'ai des pensés suicidaires et d'automutilation, j'ai plus de motivation pour tous et rien et je suis souvent triste ou énervée. Le problème c'est que je ne peut pas m'autodiagnostiquer et je sais pas comment le dire a mes parents. Ils seront surement fâcher d'entendre que j'ai besoin d'aide mentale et etc... Comment je pourrais me faire diagnostiquer sans avoir a passer par 'dire au parents'..?

Je me déteste

Yo. Je DÉTESTE mon apparence. Je la déteste tellement que défois jm'empêche de sortir dehors car jveut pas que les gens voient ce que jvois à travers mon mirroir. On m'a fait tellement de remarques que en seulement 1 ans, jsuis passé d'une fille énergétique et souriante à une fille insécure et toujours fatiguer. Je pleurs souvent à cause de mon visage et mon poids. Selon beacoup de gens, je suis trop mince alors que de base, je m'aimais bien avant. Sa fait que je mange jusqu'au point de presque vomir et je dépense souvent tous mon argents dans des produits de beauté. Je commence même à avoir des pensée suicidaires à cause des remarques et pleins d'autre problèmes qui n'ont pas rapport avec mon apparence dans ma vie... J'espère que ce ne sont pas des symptoms de la dépréssion car mes parents seraient probablement furieux si je l'avais...

Conflit intérieur

Bon, ok, en gros, j'sais au fond de moi que j'aime les filles, mais j'essaie de sortir avk des mecs prcq ma famille est homophobe. LE PROBLÈME : jveux pas briser le coeur si le mec a des sentiments pr moi et que je ne peux pas lui rendre son amour..?

Ensuite, mon ex m'a réécrit et il disait encore avoir des sentiments pr moi. C moi qui avait cassé, pisss jveux pas le briser de nouveau.

Mais pr en rajouter : J'ai tellement envie de me mettre en couple !! Mais.. Y'a personne-..

Embrasser-..

Bon, chp si c prcq j'ai des blocages mentales ou quoi, mais je n'aime pas embrasser.

Ca me gêne de ouf et je ne comprends pas ce que les gens aiment de ca-.. FECK.. Chuis pt juste bizarre, ou pt chp comment m'y prendre..

But, i mean, j'ai djà embrassé un mec (G DÉTESTÉ) et une meuf (I was too shy..).. But, ca me dérange.

Pls, expliquez moi❤️❤️