Idk what to do

oui je parle fr mais je suis plus comfortable avk l'anglais idk why

I feel like there is no place for me to go. at school, i barely have any friends and they all switch up on me randomly. one of them who i will not namedrop kinda chooses a friend she'll stay with for some time and avoids almost everyone else. guess what, it's always anyone but me. since around November she started distancing herself from me. we had an argument and didnt talk for around a month. when we started talking again, i tried my best to make her happy yet she did everything i told i didn't like (leaving me out, making plans infront of me,etc) and i feel like i can't complain because were both going through things and it looks like im a crybaby. another friend is basically obsessed with her and it pmo. I'm not jealous (lowkey yes tf?? i'd like to be someone's bestfriend for once!!) another girl i feel like i can talk to but she always goes back to her and now i feel like i can't trust anyone. i have all my classes with them and we all sit close. in arts, they barely even have conversations because im there (i mayyyy be overthinking it but it has always proved to be right)

at home its like walking on egg shells. My younger sister (13) always steals my shit and no one tells her to stop. My dad gets mad at barely anything and gives me the randomest punishments ever (taking away my phone for a month, taking away my door, my curtains???) i feel like whatever i do im a dissapointment. he's always whining about how i have daddy issues (that would mean he's the problem hahah) and how i never come out of my room (maybe bc he's always complaining about me??) ever conversation we have is arguing or talking about chores. sometimes i think he's changed and our relationship is ok, he gets mad then i get mad and everything's ruined (ngl i do have maaajor anger issues but he does too and i was the only one sent to therapy). he's emotionally closed off, can't communicate, doesn't respect privacy (fym you won't put a lock on your kids's bathroom AND you dare to come inside when they're showering...broski...) doesn't accept his daughters opinions (invalid because im too young apparently) he's narcissistic, has no empathy and he's secretly a conservative (yes i had to add that bc he lives in a house of liberals)

I struggle with a lot. I have body dysmorphia (i hate hate hate my body even though ppl tell me its fine) i have anxiety and it feels like im gonna die whenever im outside of my house, my own thoughts freaking scare me because its always like <<what if you ran away and jumped :D>> or stuff like that. i also stopped sh for summer and its so hard im about to relapse at any minor inconvenience. its hard. i dont know how im still alive.

anywaysssss, i don't know what to do, it feels like everything always gets blamed on me (ik im problematic and dramatic but come freaking on) my mom called a therapist in February and we still have no news. i want to talk to some1 but i don't want to end up in a psych ward. my mom even gave me a document about BPD saying her and my old therapist thought it might be a possible diagnosis (gtfo naurrrrrr). i just want people that actually like me in my life idkkk