My teen self-harms: Could it be a sign of a mental health disorder?
Finding out that your teen self-harms can be deeply upsetting. It is completely normal to have many questions and concerns. Many parents immediately think of depression or another mental health disorder. However, the reality is more nuanced. This article will help you better understand self-harm and the reasons why a young person may engage in it.
To remember
👉 Self-harm is a behaviour, not a diagnosis. It can be associated with a mental health disorder, but this is not always the case.
👉 Try to understand what is behind the behaviour before focusing on stopping it. Compassionate support and a professional assessment are the best ways to help your teen.
Self-harm is not a diagnosis
The first thing to understand is that self-harm is not a mental health disorder in itself. It is a behaviour that reflects emotional distress or difficulty coping with particularly intense emotions. In a sense, it can be a coping mechanism used to manage an emotion that feels unbearable.
For some teens, self-harm is associated with a condition such as anxiety, depression, an eating disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder or, more rarely, another mental health disorder. The behaviour may begin before or after a diagnosis is made, or while the young person is receiving treatment. For others, self-harm occurs without any mental health diagnosis.
In other words, you cannot conclude that a teen has a mental health disorder simply because they self-harm. Only an assessment by a professional can help determine what is happening.
Why do teens self-harm?
There are many possible reasons, and they vary from one young person to another. Self-harm may be:
a way to reduce emotional tension that has become unbearable;
a way to turn emotional pain into physical pain;
a means of regaining a sense of control;
a way to punish themselves;
an attempt to cope with a feeling of emptiness;
a way to express distress they cannot put into words.
Some young people may also imitate the behaviour. For example, a teen who sees a friend receive attention or be treated differently after self-harming may come to believe that this behaviour could help meet a similar need. Even so, it is important not to assume that a young person is self-harming solely to get attention.
Contrary to a common misconception, self-harm is generally not a suicide attempt. However, teens who self-harm may also experience suicidal thoughts. Whatever the circumstances, the behaviour should always be taken seriously and assessed by a professional.
Some young people are also at greater risk, including those who have experienced trauma, violence or serious relationship difficulties, as well as those who have trouble regulating their emotions. Teens from marginalized groups, including LGBTQ+ youth, are also more likely to be affected.
How should you respond as a parent?
Although your first instinct may be to make your teen stop immediately, it is often more helpful to understand what is behind the behaviour. Because self-harm is frequently a response to an intense emotion or an important unmet need, focusing on the underlying issue is usually more helpful than trying only to control the behaviour itself.
Try to approach the subject calmly and with curiosity, without judgment or threats, even if the situation is heartbreaking for you. Showing your teen that you are available to listen is more likely to encourage them to open up than criticism or ultimatums.
Many teens are very afraid of how their parents will react and may not bring up the subject themselves. To feel safe and be willing to look for solutions with you, they need to know that their emotions and experiences will be heard without being minimized or dismissed.
The goal is not simply to make the injuries stop, but to help your teen develop other ways of coping with their distress. A doctor, psychologist or other health care professional can assess the situation and recommend the most appropriate support.
Many teens use Tel-jeunes’ free services to receive confidential, non-judgmental support when they are going through a difficult time or want to find other ways to cope with their emotions without self-harming. If your teen is not already familiar with these services, you could take a few minutes to explore them together so they know where to turn if they ever need help.
