Consent and sexual assault

Yes! Not saying “no” clearly doesn’t mean you agree! If you’ve experienced something you didn’t like, don’t keep it to yourself. Talk about it to a counsellor or someone else you trust. Sometimes you might also decide to set the record straight: maybe the other person really didn’t understand. Maybe he/she didn’t know that you weren’t comfortable. You might feel better if you tell him/her how you felt. At the same time, you’re telling the other person what you went through and you’re helping him/her understand so it doesn’t happen again.

Consent isn’t valid if you’ve been drinking or drugging. However, you might feel like you can consent, because the effects of alcohol and drugs affect our thought processes and our judgment. Alcohol (or drugs) and sex don’t go well together. When we’ve been drinking or taking drugs, it’s harder to remember values and limits… and it’s even harder to explain them and make other people respect them. Ideally, it’s best to avoid having sex with someone who’s been drinking or drugging. If one of the people involved realizes he/she has done things he/she didn’t want to do, he/she can press charges. As well, it’s much better to share the moment with someone who’ll remember it… and to remember it yourself!

The most important thing is to listen to what he/she has to say, without judging. You might remind your friend that it’s not his/her fault, congratulate him/her for talking about it, and encourage him/her to continue doing so. In addition, you might ask how you can help your friend and what he/she wants to do, and accompany him/her in his/her actions. Don’t forget to respect your own limits and call on a counsellor or Tel-jeunes if you think that’s the best thing to do. Finally, if your friend is less than 18 years old, you’re legally obligated to report the case to Youth Protection Services (the Directeur de la protection de la jeunesse, DPJ).

Sexual harassment refers to repeated, unwanted words or actions of a sexual nature that hurt your dignity or integrity. Sexual harassment may make you feel uncomfortable or scared or impact your well-being: unwanted sexual suggestions, inappropriate comments about your body or your sexual identity, overly intimate questions, etc. Sexual assault is an action of a sexual nature, with or without physical contact, done without the other person’s consent. It’s an act intended to force the other person to accept the attacker’s sexual desires by means of an abuse of power, the use of force or constraint, or threats.

There’s a difference between sexual harassment and assault, but both can be very harmful. If it happens to you, get help quickly.